MINOT AF BASE, NORTH DAKOTA — After a recent press release came out revealing the Lt. Col. Benker’s decision to revoke 17 Air Force officers privileges of launching weapons of mass destruction, a mushroom cloud of shame hung over the admonished soldiers. “Gee golly, LT! We’re real sorry, we didn’t mean no harm, honest!” , said Officer Eddie Mondello who got in deep trouble when he and 16 other officers got caught red-handed by the Lt. Col. when they were caught smoking cigarettes behind the missile silo. “Hush now! That was very, very, very naughty of you and I’ve never been so ashamed of you. I—”, the choked up decorated colonel paused, holding back his tears of disappointment.

“Look what you’ve done! You’re making him cry! You’re all a bunch of worthless burnouts”, shouted Sgt. Dingwall, as he held the now-sobbing, inconsolable Lt. Col. in his arms. “Gosh, we didn’t mean nothin’! It was just a bit of fun, Lieutenant! Aww hell, please don’t cry, you’re gonna make me cry!” cried another officer. “No cursing! Go to your rooms…NOW!” shouted Sgt. Dingwall as he mopped up the tears off of Lt. Col. Benker’s old, yet lively face. It was times like these that reminded Sgt. Dingwall why he decided to work for the lieutenant all those years ago. As the soldiers stomped their way back to their room, reporters say they heard one officer mutter, “Fine, but don’t expect me to clean it, old man.”