COLUMBUS, OH — 21-year-old college student Dylan Baycroft made a public apology today for accidentally not holding a door open for the 50ish-year-old woman behind him at the library. The selfish know-nothing said, “I mean, it was just one of those things where you look behind you and you think the person is really far away, so you don’t want to look like an idiot by holding the door open for a full minute before the person gets to you. So I thought ‘Nah, she’s probably a solid 15 seconds behind me.’ But she wasn’t.”
Locals were shocked when they saw the self-absorbed jerkface awkwardly let the door begin to close behind him when the kind, sweetheart of a lady fumbled at the handle so that she may get in as he apologized profusely. His family declined to comment and reporters say all funding for his education from his parents had been permanently cut after the incident. The ignorant tool went on to exclaim, “I am so sorry to let this nice lady and the community down like this. I promise I will never ever do anything like this ever again.”
BREAKING NEWS: Several hours later, when entering a bank for a student loan, Dylan “The Villain” Baycroft held the door open for a girl that was about 70 feet behind him, resulting in a full minute of holding the door open like an idiot until she half-jogged over to the entrance.
BREAKING NEWS: The big ole butthole just killed himself.